Pooh and Christopher and Me
By Maria Macfarlane
One of my most precious possessions is a tattered, worn copy of The World of Christopher Robin by A.A Milne. It was a wonderful introduction into the magical realm of literature. My love for the beauty and cadence of both the written and spoken word began with the many hours that I spent reciting Milne’s lyrical poetry out loud. As I became a parent and began reading the Winnie-the-Pooh books to my own children, I developed an even deeper appreciation for his genius. I admired both the spirit in which the stories were written and the heartfelt messages that they conveyed.
In When We Were Very Young, Now We Are Six, Winnie-The-Pooh and the House at Pooh Corner, Milne creates a rich world of childlike experiences where virtue is praised and friendship is celebrated. When difficulties slow us down, Pooh teaches us to find calm and tranquility. We learn about charity and humility and are shown that we should trust our own intuition. The whimsical poetry and lyrical narrative sing the praises of love, honesty, justice, hope and respect. Through their misadventures, the loveable, fully rounded characters teach children complex traits such as courage and loyalty.
The concept of family is particularly strong. The heart of Winnie the Pooh and the special relationship that he shares with Christopher Robin are what drive the uncomplicated storylines. Young children are gently guided through the enchanting Hundred Acre Woods, where actions are based on rudimentary logic and dialogue is enhanced by fanciful snippets of poetry.
Christopher Robin and his merry band enjoy one adventure after another. As an only child, he acts as “parent” to his male animal buddies. Although their antics are related in extremely childish terms, we find tidbits of wisdom and little gems of inspiration that teach positive, real life lessons. The scenario is endearingly amusing as they solve problems with a naive, unsophisticated mind.
The engaging anecdotes are meant to be read aloud to a younger audience. Unlike small children, adults have outgrown the need to prove themselves. Consequently, we tend to easily embrace the idea of simplicity that Milne promotes. With a sense of humor often aimed directly at the parents, we observe hilarious cause and effect situations where we are presented with non-magical solutions to play versions of real life problems.
Like any typical group of siblings / playmates, each animal has a distinct personality. Their interaction reflects an understanding of the way kids think and play. Tigger is impulsive, Eeyore is neurotic, Kanga is pragmatic, Rabbit and Owl are conceited and self centered. My favorite, Piglet, is ever-so-humble and precious Pooh is simple, direct and loving. Desirable character traits are encouraged and undesirable ones are shown to be silly.
As we can see by the following examples, the valuable insight imparted by Christopher Robin, Winnie the Pooh and all their friends are relevant to kids and adults…..even in today’s world.
Don’t become bogged down in details. By focusing on the little problems you can miss the big picture and overlook what’s really important in your life.
“You can’t help respecting anybody who can spell TUESDAY, even if he doesn’t spell it right; but spelling isn’t everything. There are days when spelling Tuesday simply doesn’t count.”
Be positive, aware and don’t dwell on yourself. It can be nice just to do nothing sometimes.
“Don’t underestimate the value of Doing Nothing, of just going along, listening to all the things you can’t hear, and not bothering.”
Appreciate small pleasures and the little things you take for granted.
“Nobody can be uncheered with a balloon”
Physical activity leads to a healthy, happier life.
“A bear, however hard he tries, grows tubby without exercise.”
Relax. Don’t over analyze things and make mountains out of molehills.
“If the person you are talking to doesn't appear to be listening, be patient. It may simply be that he has a small piece of fluff in his ear.”
Strive to be positive. Dwell on the good things you have and want in your life.
“When late morning rolls around and you're feeling a bit out of sorts, don't worry; you're probably just a little eleven o'clockish.”
A conversation means listening and exchanging ideas.
Keep conversations positive and simple.
“It is more fun to talk with someone who doesn’t use long, difficult words but rather short, easy words like WHAT ABOUT LUNCH?”
Take the time to be kind.
“A little consideration, a little thought for others, makes all the difference.”
Take the lead.
Sometimes we instinctively react to a predicament. We feel powerless and drift along, going nowhere. By being proactive we must act and move out of our comfort zone. That can be scary. Being proactive is rewarding and can be exhilarating.
“You can't stay in your corner of the Forest waiting for others to come to you. You have to go to them sometimes.”
Alone time can be quality time.
“Don't underestimate the value of doing nothing, of just going along, listening to all the things you can't hear, and not bothering.”
Never underestimate the power of love.
“If you live to be 100, I hope I live to be 100 minus 1 day, so I never have to live without you.”
Growing up is a fact of life.
“I used to believe in forever, but "forever" is too good to be true.”
True friendship is very special.
“Promise me you'll never forget me because if I thought you would I'd never leave.”
Milne admitted that the Christopher Robin / Winnie the Pooh series of books were originally written, not for little ones, but for the child within us. There is a genuine sense of innocence and an unforced sincerity that seems to be missing in much of today’s children’s fiction. It is no wonder that, generation after generation; it strikes such a resonant chord.
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In Memory of a Great Lady
By Maria Macfarlane
Mother’s Day is celebrated in May; therefore it is only fitting to dedicate this edition of the mom-e-news to my late mother-in-law who passed away a few weeks ago. My daughters have had to deal with the tragedy of losing two grandparents within a 4 month period. Needless to say, one’s perspective on life, love and family cannot help but be affected when touched by such profound events.
Motherhood is a vocation. We are proud parents completely devoted to the maintenance and well being of our families. We put our heart and soul into being the best mothers we can be. That commitment lasts a lifetime…but we are so much more than that.
As individuals we have occupations, dreams and ambitions. From innocent child to young woman; through middle age and then beyond, we work hard and try to make our mark on the world. We search for fulfillment and aspire to find happiness in our chosen professions. We forge strong bonds and build lasting relationships. We plan for the future, raise children and enjoy the company of friends. We manage family affairs, cultivate interests and strive to lead productive lives. Along the way we try to have some fun.
Whether we have chosen to stay at home or pursue a career… the talents, wisdom and insight that we develop while we move through life serve us well as we venture through the challenging realm of motherhood.
As I looked around the room at the people who came to pay their respects to my mother-in-law, I saw her not only as a mother, but as a person who touched people’s lives in a positive way. She was not just the proud mom of two loving sons, but was a strong individual in her own right. We looked back on her life and admired all that she had accomplished. In retrospect, the funeral was a tribute to her wonderful spirit, a celebration of her life and a testament to who she was as a woman.
The qualities that endeared my husband's mother to so many people were what made her special to us, her family. Business acumen leant to the successful running and organization of a busy household… artistic abilities translated into creating imaginative crafts with the children… being a talented seamstress meant making wonderfully unique Halloween costumes for the grandkids…a love for playing cards became a fun way to socialize with family and friends.
We are the sum of all of our parts. Our actions are a reflection of our values and who we are as a person is the basis for what kind of parent we become. Our character, personality, strengths and weaknesses all influence how we wear the precious mantle of motherhood. Conversely, the fact that we are parents colors our perspective and impacts all that we do.
A good mother shares the love that she has in her heart, generously gives of herself and enriches those around her. A good woman embraces her own greatness, leads by example and makes a difference in the lives of others. My mother-in-law was both. She raised her family well and led her life with grace and dignity. It will be an honor and a challenge to follow in her footsteps.
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The Measure of a Parent
(In Loving Memory of My Father)
By Maria Macfarlane
What it means to be a parent defies description. It is more than a social designation. It’s an absolute, resolute state of being that we embody for an entire lifetime. Once we become a mom or a dad, our focus shifts and priorities change. We passionately support all that our kids do and become fierce guardians of their well being.
Children are empty vessels just waiting to be filled.
We want to do things right so that they will reach their full potential. This profound responsibility can seem daunting, but we do our best and hope that our kids become respectable, capable adults. Our parenting resources are limitless…so we read the books and consult the experts. We earnestly deliberate about how we teach, what to preach and when to do it.
But ultimately, once they are all grown up and on their own, what will our children remember? Or to be more specific… how will they remember us?
Is the real measure of a parent how you have mastered the fine art of raising a child or is it more about what kind of a person they have known you to be? Will our kids realize or appreciate what pop culture parenting method worked best on them or will they be more influenced by how they watched us live our life?
Will our children want to emulate us?
The passing of my dear father, only a few weeks ago, has given me pause to think about how much of an impact all the step-by-step advice and how-to philosophies actually have on the way our kids turn out. Surely their character is determined more by what motivates and inspires them at home than a specific theory that has been espoused during various stages of their lives. How much they choose to take, from all we have taught them, will be the true testament as to what kind of parents we have been.
Now that he is gone, I have spent much time contemplating about how much my dad has meant to me. Growing up, he was our standard...our touchstone. A dedicated husband, a kind grandfather and a caring father; my dad was also a man of faith who drew his quiet strength and generous spirit from a devout belief in God. He made a difference in the lives of many and he reached out, not only to his community, but to his friends, co-workers and neighbors.
We could not have asked for a better role model. My father’s family meant the world to him. He was not highly educated, nor did he stress about what the experts had to say about the latest childrearing trend or study. He was simply a good, honest man who led by example and we, as his children, evolved accordingly.
He paved the way for the rest of us to follow.
When all is said and done, the reality of my father’s 83 years on this earth lies neither in his professional success nor his material wealth. It rests in the personal legacy that he has left behind and the solid foundation upon which the future generations of our family can build. His marriage was one of deep commitment and much love. His children are leading happy, prosperous lives and his grandchildren will forever remember him as a devoted Grampa who actively took part in their lives.
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Hope For the Best
By Maria Macfarlane
What is your wish for your child?
Whether the mother of a newborn or a well-seasoned mom, it is only natural to look beyond the present and imagine what place our children will have in the world. We contemplate what the future holds and wonder how much of an impact our efforts will have on the way our kids will “turn out.”
Active youngsters hurdle through the stages of childhood, lives change and our role as a parent evolves. Within our heart of hearts, our very deepest wish is that our kids will be fortunate enough to follow their passions, experience real happiness and know true love. Once out on their own they will have challenging years of hard work and accomplishments ahead. Perhaps they will have children of their own one day. If so, what sort of mother/father will they be? What kind of family will they co-create? Will they ever bounce a grandchild on their knee?
A visit with my parents this past Christmas crystallized what must be a seminal moment in every parent’s life. In the midst of us all opening our gifts, my dad quietly sat in his chair overseeing the frenzied excitement. As patriarch of the family, he watched his sons/daughters, their husbands/wives and all the grandchildren revel in the sheer joy of being together. The proud, contented look in his eyes told us that he could not have been happier. At 83, this is his legacy. He was surrounded by a close, loving family that has made an effort to maintain ties and keep its bond strong. What more can a parent ask for? For both my mother and father it is a true testament as to what kind of parents they have been.
My dream for my own children is that wherever their ambitions take them they will achieve a sense of fulfillment along the way. Parents often find themselves consumed with the daily concerns of raising a family. We can sometimes lose sight of the bigger picture. In the grand scheme of things, we are a branch in the family tree…. preparing the way and laying the foundation upon which the next generation can build. We, who were once children, venture out and start families of our own. Our kids grow up to be mothers and fathers, our parents become grandparents then they, in turn, pass the torch onto us.
Parenthood is a profoundly demanding, yet satisfying endeavor. We invest a lifetime of dedication to the care of our family and the well being of our children. The rewards for our undying commitment lie in seeing the fruits of our labor blossom and then flourish. After all, there is no greater joy than seeing our children mature into independent, caring, well adjusted people.
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A Fresh Start
By Maria Macfarlane
"What is required of us now is a new era of responsibility - a recognition, on the part of every American, that we have duties to ourselves, our nation, and the world, duties that we do not grudgingly accept but rather seize gladly, firm in the knowledge that there is nothing so satisfying to the spirit, so defining of our character, than giving our all to a difficult task." Barack Obama
All of us can take the resolve and promise of the recent historic events in Washington and translate them into reminders of how we can incorporate a reformed dialogue into our daily lives. As enlightened parents, could it be time to listen more closely, try another method or see things in a different light? Being a family is a joint venture, with each member having a vested interest in the household's successes. Everyone should have a voice. Compassion, understanding and open-mindedness can go a long way in building bridges and mending fences.
America has been given a fresh start. The ushering in of a new president has evoked an overwhelming sense of optimism and a massive outpouring of hope from around the world. A shift is happening. A transformation from the inside out is afoot. We have all been inspired and called to action. The common man has been mobilized and challenged to mold himself into a better citizen and, in turn, help change the world.
The people have been invited to participate in the co-creation of a new era... to shed old habits and unhealthy attitudes. Making informed decisions and embracing innovative ideas, a definite shift in mindset can be felt. A new conversation has begun; one that combines pragmatic problem solving with qualitative discourse. Hope springs eternal and the possibilities are endless. The ability of one man to elicit passion and inspire idealism has raised the consciousness of a powerful country. The theme of his message is simple. Galvanize the people to do great things. He has asked a nation to meet a formidable challenge with cooperation, sincerity and hard work. Following Obama's eloquent directive from the steps of the Lincoln Memorial, we can all attempt to do our part to fulfill his noble vision of the future, keeping in mind that the family is the cornerstone of our society and change begins at home.
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Do Your Eyes Light Up?
By Maria Macfarlane
It takes courage to step out and make your mark on the world. In
an egocentric society of narcissistic bravado (check out MTV) and
falsely inflated egos (à la American Idol), parents tread a fine line.
How do we build our children's self-confidence and, at the same time,
teach them how to be realistic about their expectations?
Competition is a fact of life for our kids. Everyone is grappling for
the brass ring, trying to jockey for a position on the crowded
ladder of success. It's common to have to lobby for admittance to
an exclusive preschool, jump through hoops to qualify for the rep
team or undergo nerve-wracking auditions to play in the school band.
The pressures of "making it" and "following your star" can be a daunting
force in a child's life. Without perseverance, hard work and lots of luck
even the most talented person is not guaranteed success.
But somewhere between that initial seed of inspiration and the
ambitious leap of faith to pursue one's dreams the question arises,
"What makes me so special?" When children wonder, "Who am I to
think I can do this," they must draw upon inner strength and security
that has taken you, their parent, many years to nurture.
Maya Angelou asks, "How do you react when your child enters the
room? Do your eyes light up?" All children need to feel special, in
their own right, apart from their accomplishments and accolades.
In our daily routine it is often easy for family members to take each other
for granted. We should never forget how important it is for our
unconditional love to shine through and be seen
every day.
Yes, we can facilitate the attainment of their goals by driving them
to practices, cheering from the stands and proudly extolling their
talents. But what signals do our kids receive from us during the course
of an average day? How negative is our message to them when they
aggravate us or misbehave?
Whether it's a reassuring smile, an affectionate nudge or a big ol' hug,
by openly acknowledging the joy that our children bring into our lives,
we are visibly affirming our love for them. We have the power to
infuse our children with the belief that they can face the challenges that lie
ahead regardless of how pragmatic or grandiose their aspirations may be.
They have so much potential. Even the smallest gesture of approval can do
wonders to validate their sense of self worth. Whether it is in a lab, a boardroom
or on Broadway the world is their stage. So tell them they are special today!
Let them see it in your eyes when they walk through the door!
Let your encouragement inspire them and your love be their stepping-stone
to greatness.
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In My Humble Opinion
By Maria Macfarlane
"True merit, like a river, the deeper it is, the less noise it makes."
Edward Frederick Halifax, English Statesman
As I reflect upon the upcoming first anniversary of my father's death, I am reminded of a conversation I had with the clergyman who gave my dad spiritual guidance in his final days. I will never forget the sincerity in his voice when he told me that, in bravely facing terminal illness and death, my father taught him the "true meaning of humility." He went on to say that knowing my dad was a privilege and it "humbled" him to have been a part of my father's journey, suggesting that we could all learn from his example.
Those words have resonated with me, still, after all these months. If we really think about it...the quality / state of being humble is a virtue which we don't hear much about anymore. Egocentricity has become paramount in this "me first," world. Self entitlement, self promotion and self importance are often the norm. It may be to our benefit to discreetly introduce more humility into our lives and to espouse more of an "after you, my friend," approach.
The word, "humility," seems to have taken on a mostly negative connotation in recent years. The humble-ness that I refer to entails acting in a way that shows discretion, enlightenment and open-mindedness. It is the opposite of being motivated by self preservation and the antithesis of forcefully trying to impose one's own point of view.
One of a mother's goals is to set her children on a path that will lead them to personal satisfaction and social happiness.
Administering praise, recognition and encouragement are critical to achieve this. There's a fine line, however, between instilling a healthy confidence and creating a falsely inflated view of who our children are.
Children are naturally self absorbed.
As we mold them to become good, moral human beings we can gradually introduce them to some of the traits associated with humility. We can help them realize that the world is bigger than they are. They don't have to rely on outside stimuli to reinforce their self esteem. We must influence them to establish their own sense of self awareness and assist them in finding where they fit into the grand scheme of things.
To be humble means that you are open to what someone else has to offer.
It does not mean being submissive. If we realistically recognize our own limitations, securely know our place and magnanimously seek the contribution of those around us, we are clearly demonstrating that we value the input of others and are taking a proactive stance in creating an atmosphere of genuine collaboration.
Humility begins at home.
From an early age, we can teach our kids how to be accountable and that their actions and words affect others. Turning a deaf ear to boastful, disrespectful speech only fosters rudeness. Manners go hand in hand with respect and humility. Bragging or teasing is not humble. Neither is excessive pride. After all, isn't the need to overshadow others a reflection of our own insecurities?
How we deal with a child's bad behavior, for example, is critical to what we project to our family. We should be specific, in both our tone and with our words, when identifying exactly what is not acceptable. A "how dare you," mentality does not foster a sense of courtesy towards our fellow man. If we only tell and never ask our children what they need... we are establishing an iron fist mentality. By maintaining our dignity when using discipline, we maintain the dignity of the child.
Small minded individuals put people down and are reluctant to defer to those who either know better or who are in positions of power.
To be humble means it is not beneath you to learn from others. In fact, you appreciate their knowledge and experience. You lack pretence. You see the greatness that exists within all of us and you willingly elevate those around you. Hence, you do not deny your own importance, but affirm the worth of all people.
By acknowledging our own limitations and venturing to seek help as a means to improve, we let our children see that we are not afraid to expose our own humble nature. When confronted with an issue, we can take a less self-centered approach by consciously taking a moment to consider the possibilities and ask, "Can it be....?" We can teach them to graciously acknowledge when kindness is shown by others....In doing so, they positively project some of the focus outward and than back into the community.
Arrogant people have difficulty owning up to their mistakes and are not in the position / frame of mind to learn.
A humble person rightfully admits when they are wrong. They must be grounded in reality and realize that they are part of the greater whole. They have modest values and are not meek... but self-aware. They don't consider themselves to be better than anyone else; therefore they are willing to go more than half way to meet the needs of others. If your child excels in something, have them help a child who is struggling in that field. In other words, actually show them how they can exercise humility. Humble people are secure enough to selflessly share credit and get the job done without hoopla. Ultimately, their attributes will shine through and speak for themselves.
So perhaps all of us can use a little more humility in our lives. It does not imply that you are timid. It is not a sign of weakness. It simply suggests that you have a modest estimate of your own worth and that you can maintain a healthy pride about who you are and what you have achieved. It is a true gift, but not necessarily one that comes naturally. If we lay the groundwork early and gently remind our children of the intrinsic value of believing in their own inner strength..... it will eventually become a way of life. They just might grow up to be kind, self-assured individuals who exude a quiet conviction that speaks volumes about the strength of their character...just like my dad.